Friday, January 1, 2010


Here are the questions ans answers from my formspring stream before opening this blog. I have not altered the posts except for gross typos. In a few I added some additional comments, included in square brackets [ ] and italicized.


My husband and I don't get along at all. I'm very laissez faire about life, in particular how I want to live my life. And he's very wants me to be different. I feel he's very controlling. He hates that I make money on SL instead of having a reg 9 - 5. I could make more at a 9 to 5 but I would be miserable. I can't leave because my kids are the most important thing to me. So should I fight against his wishes or just be who he thinks I should be until the kids are of age. Both ways I'm miserable.
Thank you for your question, my friend. I have had to ponder this one a bit. I am saddened to know of your struggle; but, hope I may at least give you some words of encouragement. Firstly, way to go on making money with SL. Many have tried and few are truly successful. You should be proud of that accomplishment. I hope it is enough that it actually helps to support your family. If it involves producing items that have a Victorian and/or Steampunk flair, I have a couple of storefronts available on Thistle Hill.

Now, your issue with your husband sounds deeper than his merely disapproving of your SL activities. I read somewhere once that the thing married couples argue most about is money matters. If your SL income is substantial, then good for you. His dislike for it, in that case, may stem from other issues that you should maybe take up with an professional counselor. If your family's financial situation is precarious, then it might be wise to at least take on a part time job that brings in a little more income.

As I have stated before, I am not a professional counselor, nor am I gifted with any particular wisdom. I have, however, been married for 17 years to a woman I have known for almost 25. In that time I have learned a few things. The first is that marriages often require sacrifices, compromises and most of all communication. If the welfare of your family, especially the cubs, requires that you sacrifice some of your SL time to meatspace employment, then maybe you should consider it.

This may not be exactly what you want to hear, but sometimes “laissez fair” is another term for “lazy and selfish”. I urge you to remember all the things that you love about your husband, the things that moved you to marry him in the first place, and then to have children with him. I suspect that these things are worth preserving, even if it means enduring a less than satisfactory job. I'm not saying you should entirely give up your SL activities, only that you should weigh the overall good of your family against the importance of doing only what you want to do.

I am female and last night my best (girl) friend kissed me ... well my toes curled and I thought my head would blow off...does this mean I am gay?
Hello, my friend. Thank you for your question. Firstly, Yoohoo! Good for you! Everyone needs a good old toe-curling kiss now and then. Secondly, gay or straight is not necessarily an either-or proposition.

Dr. Alfred Kinsey, in his famous study, showed that "Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats…The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects." Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) Later studies by the Kinsey Institute and others proved the same for females.

So, just because your friend's kiss gave you a thrill (Yay!), that does not necessarily mean you are a lesbian. What it does indicate is that you probably fall somewhere to the right of zero on the Kinsey Scale where zero is "Exclusively Heterosexual" and six is "Exclusively Homosexual".

Also, your reaction, while probably a shock to you at the time, is perfectly natural and, in this tiger's humble opinion, definitely a Good Thing. Celebrate it. Be thankful you have a friend you can feel so close to and who can make you feel so good about yourself.

Are you really a savage beast, or are you just an overgrown pussycat with a better tailor?
I'm just your friendly neighborhood tiger, a thin veneer of civility over a wild animal nature. Although, a good tailor doesn't hurt either.

I asked my boyfriend the other night if he could see us spending the rest of our lives together and he just grunted. I really love him but I need some kind of sign he feels the same.
My friend, he gave you a sign. He grunted. For many of us guys that is as good as it gets. It was a positive acknowledgement of your question in an utterly efficient manner. For many guys that grunt is the same as saying, "Yes, dear, absolutely." A negative response would have been if he had gotten up and walked away.

You must also account for what else was going on at the time. Were the two of you watching TV at the time? Was it a dinner conversation? You see, guys, on many levels, still operate on the "hunter-gatherer" level. We can only focus on a limited number of things at a time. That focus is good for stalking deer, but not so good for conversation when watching TV.

If you had one superpower what would it be?
maximum ability in all my senses, that is, best possible sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. Not necessarily "super" but the best naturally possible. That would be good for protecting the family as well as aiding in good old crime solving hero stuff.

What books do you like to read when you're in a foul mood, and need something to make you feel better?
I do not have any in particular. Reading in general tends to soothe this savage beast; so, just whichever one I happen to be in the middle of at the time. I do gravitate to the speculative fiction genres, though.

Here's one: Arwen or Eowyn?
Hmm difficult. I'll go with Eowyn, though. She was much more a woman of action than Arwen who mainly stayed in Rivendell pining for Aragorn.

Duck or Turkey? by QKingston
I haven't had duck in a long time, but I remember it being very good with mint sauce. Also, Thanksgiving wasn't that long ago; so, I am still pretty sated on the turkey front. Therefore, I will go with the duck this time.

Cucumber or EggPlant? by QKingston

[This is the one that started the "advice column" trend]
My wife and I have been happily married for about two years and she is currently in Europe for five weeks on business. I miss her dearly and have been surprised by how affected I am by her absence. Aside from that, I've also been struck by how little she's attempted to contact me. I know she has reliable Internet service, though phones are a problem. A few days ago, I sent her an important e-mail that she hadn't replied to, so I opened up her e-mail account to see if she had read it (she gave me her password but no permission to check her e-mail). When the page opened, there was an instant message chat history where she was telling one of her high school friends she was surprised how little she missed me (seriously) and that she wanted to stay there (jokingly). I don't know how to handle the news. Is it normal for someone to say that? I can't sleep because I miss her so much and now I must lie awake thinking about this chat. How can I talk to her about it while abroad? How about when she gets home? How do I cope until she gets back? Her lack of communication makes it clear she's not devastated but to see it so clearly written bothers me.

Quite a question there, my friend. My first instinct was to throw out some flippant response. My second was to delete the question. However, given the nature of these social networking sites, you are quite probably someone I know, at least in passing, via SL, twitter, plurk or elsewhere and therefore deserve a more serious answer. I should provide the following disclaimer, however. I am not in any way an expert on relationships, other than having been married myself now for 17 years, or a professional counselor.

First, yes it is natural for people to feel differing levels of separation anxiety, especially if this is the first time you've been apart this long since getting married. My guess is that one reason she may feel the separation less is because she is engaged in her business activities. Also, if she has never been to Europe before, she has the novelty of the experience on her mind also. Whereas you are left at home with no real change other than her absence.

Second, I don't know how you can talk to her about it, especially if she isn't answering emails. But, I do know that you definitely should. If you can get hold of her by phone or chat or whatever, then do so. Express your concern. She may not even realize how distraught you are and if she is as wonderful a woman as I think she might be, then she will understand.

When she gets home, make a special time of it. Wine and dine her, show her how much having her back home means to you. But, don't go overboard. Dinner, flowers, maybe a card and honest affection will be enough without putting you in the "needy" category. Above all, TALK TO HER. Like the Billy Joel song says, "Tell Her About It." One thing I have learned in 17 yrs of marriage, communication is vital. This should be an opportunity for both of you to celebrate the strength of your bond.

As for coping until then, all I can offer is a few suggestions. Asking a near total stranger is actually a good step, I guess. Don't hold it in and let it fester. I suggest maybe finding a buddy or two in meatspace to confide in too. You might want to write out your thoughts, just to have them in front of you. Then think about your woman. Is she really likely to toss aside all that you two have together because of some temporary novelty? Somehow I doubt it.

Finally, I offer this little bit of perspective. In another five or so years, you might even enjoy having the house to yourself when she goes on another business trip.

What is the meaning of life?
Ahh, so many possibilities, from the well worn literary reference to the slightly amusing to the absolute truth:

Literary reference: 42

somewhat humorous: To outlive your enemies

a little deep: Must there be a meaning?

and finally, the truth: I know but I'm not telling.

Why do you have horns on your head?
It is well known that cats are demons in disguise, some of us just show it more than others.

If you could have someone for dinner who would that be?
I tend to avoid eating sentients, unless they really piss me off.

What is the craziest dare you have ever gone through with?
No one dares a tiger. Tigers are usually the subject of some other fool's dare.

If someone handed you a magic lamp and granted you three wishes what would they be?
1. slower antelope
2. a nice long bath
3. refer to the question two below this one.

Do Tigers have scary dreams? If so what was your scariest dream?
Tigers ARE scary dreams. (Unless those dreams are about cuddly playtime, see the sex question.)

How many times a day, if at all, does a Tiger like to have sex?
As many times as he damn well pleases. Rrrawwrr. Any takers?

Do you have a pet? What sort of pet would a tiger have?
A tiger would have whatever the hell pet he wanted. I have several, 2 dogs, a cat and a guinea pig. [Those are from 1st Life, I do not discuss my SL pets.]

Is your refrigerator running? by VaughanNirvana
Nyah, it's pretty old and can only hobble along at this point.

Are you a furry in RL?
Only in attitude, and if you count the beard I've recently decided to let grow out. [Fur-thermore, I prefer the term anthormorph, or therian. I do not wear a fur suit in 1st Life. However, I do identify with the tiger as an archetype.]

Are these questions anonymous?
Yes, they are [if asked via the formspring link]

What would your dream job look like?
One can have a job dreaming? Sign me up!

Who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?
Ninjas definitely

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