The Giggling Girlfriend

During sex just when things are getting hot and we are both close to well..my girlfriend giggles. It is kind of a turnoff for me. How do I tell her?

Woody Allen is credited with the saying, "Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing." Apparently, in your girlfriend's case this is not quite true. It seems to me, my friend, that your lovemaking fills her with such joy it bubbles out of her. Good for you! I'm not quite sure why this is a turnoff, unless it is breaking your concentration or throwing off your rhythm. But, for whatever reason, the fact is it does detract from your enjoyment. Have you asked her why she giggles? Asking about it in a way that conveys a desire to understand will open the door to discussing it without jumping first to "that bothers me". If you're doing something that makes her so happy, you might want to know exactly what it is so you can do it more often or more effectively. Also, understanding the cause may change your perception of the reaction. You may be surprised.

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Fight or Flight

My friend in second life is in a miserable marriage. He and his wife have three kids..he says he stays because of the kids, but the bickering and fighting between the two that he tells me about must be awful even for the kids..what is worse? the split or [the fighting]

A sad situation indeed, my friend. Thank you for reaching out with this dilemma. I will preface my response with a reminder that I am not a licensed marriage counselor, nor any sort of therapist. I am merely your friendly neighborhood tiger with what I hope are some helpful thoughts. Now, concerning your friend's problem I will say that first it is tragic. Unfortunately, relationships do sometimes fall apart. He says he wants to stay because of the kids and that is commendable. I have read reports that indicate children are better off with two parents in the house. However, if there is constant fighting between the parents, this has a negative impact on the children. The little dears pick up on all that negative energy and it can cause them more serious emotional problems than if the parents separated.

It looks to me that your friend is in a bit of a crisis. In this situation I see two alternatives. If he wants to save his marriage, he and his wife need to seek professional counselling to get to the root of why they argue all the time. Resolving that issue will, in this tiger's humble opinion, bear the most beneficial fruit for the whole household. After all, there was once a time when these two people loved one another. However, if the differences prove irreconcilable, then dissolution may be the only answer. He says he wants to stay for the kids, but frankly, if the relationship between husband and wife is openly hostile, separation may be the better alternative. I know several couples who simply could no longer live together, yet have managed to have relatively amicable relationships after divorce.

I would rather see people work out their differences and build stronger loving relationships, but this is not always possible, or practical. Occasionally, the road to domestic bliss can be a divided highway.

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How do I tell her I Love Her?

I'm in the throes of a new relationship, and my girl tends to back off if she feels that the other person feels more strongly about her than she does them. How do I work up the courage to tell her I love her?

This is quite a quandry, my friend. What I can tell you is this. In this tiger's most humble opinion, if you are still calling it a new relationship, then it is too soon to drop the L word anyway. A lot of people get hung up on that word. "Should I say it?" "Who should say it first?" I say, don't worry about it. Simply focus on building the connection between you. In time, as the relationship grows and strengthens, it won't require courage. It will just seem right.

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Second Life is bad for relationships, or is it.

Saw you on twitter Second Life is a terrible place for relationships. I have been the victim of too many gamers and game playing with my human avatar. I am glad to see Second Life having all these problems..it should be shut down

Well, my friend, I am sorry that you've had bad relationship experiences. Most of us have. I agree with you that there are a lot of people out there, in both virtual and actual worlds, that seem to thrive on emotional destruction. It is unfortunate, but sadly true. The relative anonymity of the virtual world and the immediacy of interactions within it does tend to amplify these behaviors in some people as well. In cyberspace, people act in ways that they never would in meatspace, in both good and bad ways. However, in my humble opinion, to blame Second Life, or any other environment, virtual or actual, for these behaviors is misguided. I know several people who met one another in SL, or other cyber communities, who have strong, loving, fulfilling relationships. Many of them are married and thriving in First Life as well. Online relationships are fraught with danger, but not so much more so than off line ones. One merely has to be a little more guarded, a little more cautious. Besides, at the risk of sounding like a cheerleader, there is much more to SL than relationships. A great deal of positive, creative, energy flows through those servers. Unfortunately, a lot of it has to either overcome obstacles "the Lab" has put in the way, or has to work especially hard at being heard above the noise of not so positive aspects. But, that is a topic for another forum.

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Parting is such sweet sorrow - NOT

I have parted ways with my second life lover, I think about her all the time though can't seem to get her out of my head. I ended the relationship feeling it was a dead end and why prolong the inevitable. Why continue something good that won't be real?

Thank you for this most fascinating question, my friend. It seems to me you may have burned this bridge a little too soon, and for entirely the wrong reasons. Your final question speaks volumes. Why continue something good? Surely, when one has something good going one should hold on to it and make every effort to nurture and deepen it. Even if it eventually comes to an end - which I presume is what you mean by "the inevitable" - is it not better to enjoy your current situation then to sit about pining away for something you obviously desire. I could understand if either you or she were perhaps encumbered with a relationship in meatspace. The sensible rule of First Life Precedence must be considered. However, from the tone of you query I gather this was not the case. If your intent was to spare her later frustration, I think you may have misjudged.



Now, I will address the second half of your statement. Why continue something that won't be real? I think you are under the misapprehension that what you had was not already real. I assure you, with the sole exception of actual physical contact (a point which technology may soon render moot) , digital relationships can be every bit as "real" as any other. I know from personal experience that they can engender the same feelings of closeness, affection, connectedness and comfort as can those solely within the physical realm. You say that you cannot get her out of your head. This tells me that your affection for, and connection to her was every bit as "real" as it ever could be.



Therefore, my friend, I hope you were able to "part ways" under somewhat amicable terms. If so, you might have a chance at renewing your association. If not, then I suggest you find a way to console yourself with the loss of your "something good."

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