Thursday, February 11, 2010

Never to Meet

My problem is quite the opposite of the last one you addressed biggest fear is that I will never meet my SL lover in RL ..we are both married. We never speak of this but I sense he wants it as much as I do and resists it..I think it is driving wedge

Urf, your question got chopped by formspirng, but I think I get the gist of it. Firstly, thank you for the question, my friend. This is a difficult situation to be in, and one that a great many people face. There are quite a few issues wrapped up in these few statements. I will address only that which I think is perhaps the most crucial. That is the issue of communication. You have said that you and your SL beau have not discussed this latent desire of yours. I urge you to do so. Communication is the most essential ingredient in any healthy, positive relationship. Do not rely on assumptions and a "sense" of what he wants or doesn't want. Get it out in the open and plainly stated. That is the only way to eliminate the wedge you feel building between you. I caution you, however, he may not have the same desire for an actual rendezvous that you do. His hesitation or resistance may be more than mere reluctance. I do not want to put any unwarranted fears in your mind, but you should be prepared for the possibility. Even so, continuing to exist in this uncertain state of "does he or doesn't he" is unhealthy for you and will negatively effect both your 1st and 2nd Life relationships.

Which brings me to a second point. If you continue to pursue this, bear in mind the possible, nay likely, repercussions. Should you cross the digital divide, pulling aside the veil of virtuality, you will quite probably destroy two once loving relationships for the tenuous hope of another. I do not know the circumstances of your 1st Life marriages, of course. They may be on the verge of collapse already, or they may be very rich and loving. You are both adults, presumably, and must make that determination for yourselves.

Ask a tiger.

1 comment:

  1. Not only that, but sometimes online relationships don't translate nearly as well to face-to-face as one might imagine. Living with someone is totally different than logging in and using them for an escape or a fantasy.