Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Fight or Flight

My friend in second life is in a miserable marriage. He and his wife have three kids..he says he stays because of the kids, but the bickering and fighting between the two that he tells me about must be awful even for the kids..what is worse? the split or [the fighting]

A sad situation indeed, my friend. Thank you for reaching out with this dilemma. I will preface my response with a reminder that I am not a licensed marriage counselor, nor any sort of therapist. I am merely your friendly neighborhood tiger with what I hope are some helpful thoughts. Now, concerning your friend's problem I will say that first it is tragic. Unfortunately, relationships do sometimes fall apart. He says he wants to stay because of the kids and that is commendable. I have read reports that indicate children are better off with two parents in the house. However, if there is constant fighting between the parents, this has a negative impact on the children. The little dears pick up on all that negative energy and it can cause them more serious emotional problems than if the parents separated.

It looks to me that your friend is in a bit of a crisis. In this situation I see two alternatives. If he wants to save his marriage, he and his wife need to seek professional counselling to get to the root of why they argue all the time. Resolving that issue will, in this tiger's humble opinion, bear the most beneficial fruit for the whole household. After all, there was once a time when these two people loved one another. However, if the differences prove irreconcilable, then dissolution may be the only answer. He says he wants to stay for the kids, but frankly, if the relationship between husband and wife is openly hostile, separation may be the better alternative. I know several couples who simply could no longer live together, yet have managed to have relatively amicable relationships after divorce.

I would rather see people work out their differences and build stronger loving relationships, but this is not always possible, or practical. Occasionally, the road to domestic bliss can be a divided highway.

Ask a tiger.

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